Q: I was recently diagnosed with bipolar disorder. My mood swings have been going on for a number of years and have damaged many of my relationships. I’m on medication now and feel 100 percent better, but I cannot change what’s already happened. Do you have any suggestions on how to best explain my illness to relatives, friends and others?

A: Explaining bipolar disorder can be difficult. There are no specific blood tests or brain imaging scans to reveal the problem. The reason: Bipolar disorder is a malfunction of the brain that causes a varying pattern of behavior. It is only with careful study of a patient's actions and mood changes over many months—even years—are we able to make the diagnosis. Once this conclusion is made, people will need to accept that your problem isn't "all in your head." They should consider mental illness a very real medical condition, like diabetes, heart disease and cancer. Just as those conditions affect a person’s quality of life, so does bipolar disorder.

People you choose to tell about your illness will need to learn a little about the disorder and its wide array of emotional behaviors, from deep lows to full-throttle mania. More specifically, these behaviors can range from depression to exhilaration, irritability to anger, lack of energy to a power surge, requiring tons of sleep to needing little or none. Someone suffering from bipolar disorder may have periods of increased productivity at work only to be followed by more destructive and reckless mania, such as gambling, infidelity or substance abuse. Needless to say, having bipolar disease can put a strain on even the best relationships.

Besides educating your friends and family about your illness, I would suggest that you also let them know how important they are to you. See how they react. If they are open to letting you back into their lives, ask what behaviors of yours were especially hurtful. Take responsibility, apologize and write these infractions down. Next discuss this list with a therapist or a bipolar support group to figure out what behaviors you can realistically change.

You’ll also want to create a "circle of care team," made up of your most important relationships. Your team members should be aware of your treatment and be committed to helping you as they can. You need to remember that each person has his or her own limitations and skills.

Keep in mind that you are the main player in your circle of care team, but do your best to listen to members’ concerns. Even though you feel 100 percent better now, there may be times when your mood and behaviors are potentially hurtful to others again. You may not take any action based on what they say, but still do your best to validate their feelings. It is important for your overall emotional health to maintain important friendships, stay in touch with a therapist and support group, and engage in the world around you.

Finally, I am sorry you are in the position where you need to make amends for years of mood swings that have strained your personal relationships. But I am glad to hear you are reaching out to your loved ones. You sound like you are on the road to improved mood and behavioral control, as well as a better understanding of yourself and your illness.